Totus Tuus: The Story Behind My First Tattoo

I got my first tattoo with my sisters earlier this year. I absolutely love it! I've been wanting a tattoo for many years and this one specifically for about 3 years. I don't think all tattoos need to have a super deep meaning, but this one really does for me. Here is that meaning...

Totus Tuus

In a script font just below my left collarbone it reads "totus tuus." It is Latin for "totally yours." It is best known as the personal motto of Pope Saint John Paul II. It signifies a deep spiritual devotion to giving one's entire self to Jesus Christ through Mary.  He famously adopted Totus Tuus as his papal motto. He explained that it represented not just a Marian devotion, but a complete entrustment of his life, his pontificate, and the world to the care of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

It is so famous in modern culture and specifically within the Catholic church that Totus Tuus is also the name of a widespread Catholic summer youth and missionary program designed to help young people grow in their faith through evangelization and prayer.

Summer Camp

I was one of those lucky kids who got to attend Totus Tuus camp during the summer. The leaders of the program are often college-aged adults discerning the priesthood, religious life, or missionary work. I remember camp being so fun, learning a lot about the Mass, the Church, and being a child of God. I was about 8 years old.

On the last day of camp, they host a water gun fight, a sundae party, and sort of a send off for the leaders. It was truly a summer party for kids. Pure fun. However, I had to miss this party so I could attend a 4-H responsibility. I said my goodbyes earlier and mom picked me up to take me to 4-H photo judging.

I never made it to judging. When a car pulled out in front of our vehicle on the highway, I think my life changed forever. Or at least how I think about it did.

I was life-flighted to Children's Mercy Hospital in Kansas City because of severe head trauma. In addition, I had a fractured shoulder and a 6 inch femur bone-deep gash on my left leg just above my knee.

The night of the accident, one of the Totus Tuus leaders, Thomas, spent his night in prayer at the Church. It was their one night off before moving onto the next camp like they had been doing all summer. Instead, he stayed and prayed for me. Every time I think about that, I start to tear up. (A tear just hit my keyboard.)

I am lucky to be here, lucky to have no brain damage or cognitive function issues, and to be fully capable physically (especially to be able to do everything I have that depends so heavily on my quads and legs).

Maybe lucky isn't the right word. More like blessed. I realized I have a reason for being here. There are things I have yet to do, thing I have yet to see, people I have yet to love. I realized God has a purpose for me and I must put my life completely into his hands. It is totally His.

These Days

These days, I have a pretty large scar across my leg. It aches sometimes, especially when I am running longer distances. It gave me some significant grief while rowing in college. 90% of the force used to move a boat is generated in the quads and lower body. Not all of the damaged nerves were healed correctly or at all. I can't feel when it is touched and if I do, it sort of tickles and I just can't process exactly what is going on with that area of my leg without looking at what is happening. There isn't much I can do other than just endure it. But it is also a reminder of everything I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Totus Tuus means so much to me. It keeps me grateful, focused, and is a way I can actually live out my faith. Reminding myself of this phrase brings me close to the Blessed Mother and to her Son.

Overall, this tattoo means that my life is totally the Lord's. He is in complete control and that I trust His plan for my life. It means I will act according to His will to serve others and to serve Him.

I was sure I was going to get this tattoo after I was confident that I was already living in a way that reflected what the tattoo was saying. That is why it took me a while to actually get it. My parents probably aren't super excited, but I've got a few more tattoos on deck. Stay tuned!

All my love,

Neva