Presence Over Perfection

I’ve driven two hours just to sit on the couch, order a pizza, and hang out with my brother and his wife for an hour before heading home and doing the drive in reverse. Not because we had a big celebration. Not because something was wrong. Just because being with them — even for a little while — matters.

It’s not about doing the most. It’s not about having the perfect schedule or the perfect words. It’s just about showing up.

More and more, I’m realizing how much presence means in relationships, in faith, in how we show up for ourselves. It’s easy to believe we have to be impressive, prepared, or polished before we can be valuable to others. But I think the opposite is true.

The Lie of Perfection

I used to think I had to have it all together before I could show up. That I needed to bring something meaningful to the table like a plan, a point, a perfect version of myself.

But I’m learning that presence, not polish, is what people actually need.

No one’s waiting for a better version of me. They just want me: real, present, even when I’m tired or unsure. Showing up imperfectly is still showing up. And that counts.

Presence Is Love, with People and with Jesus

Jesus never asked for perfect people. He asked for hearts. And hearts don’t always come tidy.

The people who have impacted me most aren’t the ones who said all the right things. They’re the ones who came when it mattered. Sometimes for a weekend. Sometimes just for an hour.

One of my friends drove 40 hours roundtrip just to be at a small wedding for a mutual friend for only a few hours. She could’ve sent a card. She could’ve made an excuse. But she came. She said, “I’d do it over and over again.”

That’s what love looks like.

The people who love you just want you to be there. And they want to be there for you. No grand gestures required, just presence.

I used to feel sad that I didn’t have more time with the people I love. But now I’m learning: the gift isn’t in how much time you get, it’s in whether you actually show up for the time you do.

Sitting on the couch, eating pizza, doing nothing but being together — that’s the kind of “nothing” I’ll remember forever.

Being present says, you matter enough for me to stop, to stay, to notice.

And in a world full of noise and distraction, presence is holy.

Be There for the Good, the Bad, and the In-Between

The people we love need us in all of it. Not just when things fall apart, and not just when there’s a reason to celebrate. They need us on the boring Tuesdays, the quiet Sundays, the overwhelming Thursdays, and the Saturday mornings that don’t go as planned.

One of the best things I’ve learned is this:

A burden shared is half a burden. And a joy shared is double the joy.

Being there doesn’t mean you fix it. It just means you’re in it with them. You don’t need the right words or a grand gesture. Sometimes you just need to sit beside someone and let them know they’re not alone — whether they’re crying over loss or beaming over a new job or simply trying to make it through the week.

Presence doesn’t ask for perfection. It just asks you to come close.

So bring the cake. Sit in the waiting room. Send the “thinking of you” text. Celebrate their wins like they’re your own. Pray with them when it’s hard. Laugh at inside jokes that only make sense because you were there.

The miles on your car, the gas money, the rearranged schedule — none of it is wasted. Showing up costs something, yes. But it gives so much more in return.

Showing Up for Yourself

Presence isn’t just about others. It’s about you, too.

When I choose to be fully present in my own life, in my body, in the quiet moments, in the hard or honest conversations, I start to believe I’m worth showing up for.

By deciding to be completely present in my life, in my body, during quiet times, and in difficult or sincere conversations, I begin to feel that I'm worth being present for.

Presence reminds me that I don’t have to fix everything. I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be here.

Perfection keeps you stuck in your head. Presence brings you back to your heart.

You can’t grow roots if you’re never fully where your feet are.

An Invitation

So here’s to choosing presence over performance.

To less pressure, more grace.

To showing up to the porch, the pew, the passenger seat, even when you’re tired, awkward, or unsure.

And when the time is short, instead of wishing for more, let’s thank God for what we’ve got. Let’s enjoy it fully, without the ache of what it could have been.

Because presence doesn’t require polish. It just requires you.

And that is more than enough.

“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” — 1 John 3:18

So go.

Go to the baby shower.

Ask him to go on a Sonic run with you.

Go to the funeral.

Invite them over for movie night.

Sit with her at church.

Go see old friends at the county fair.

Go to the graduation.

Grab margaritas on the patio with her. Then run the 5K the next morning.

Go for the evening.

Visit his office over your lunch break.

Drive from North Carolina to Kansas for the wedding of a friend you made five years ago.

Because love looks like showing up. And that’s what matters most.

All my love,

Neva