If Life is Getting Good Again, You Should Allow it to Happen (And How I Got There)

You do not need to stay loyal your suffering like a badge of honor. Let yourself feel your own light, your own progress, your own joy.

What if the Healing Actually Worked?

Things have been really going well lately. I have a new place I love, I live in a city I absolutely adore (to my complete surprise), I am getting fit and running more than I ever have, heck, my skin is clearing up, I have tremendously healed my relationship with nutrition and body image, I have meaningful relationships with friends and family, I have self-confidence I've never had before, I am excited about my daily routines, I am eager to try new hobbies, and I am at peace with where I am right now.

If you told me I would say all of that four months ago, I would've blankly stared at you as if you're speaking a foreign language. If you said I'd have self-confidence and actually like (even love) myself sometime in these past two years, I would've responded by saying "that kind of thing isn't for me."

Confusing Discipline with Self-Hatred

My whole life, I have held this idea that being in anguish, ridiculously busy, tired, and beat down meant that I was working hard and doing more than anyone else was. I had such low self-confidence that my only measuring stick for my success or progress was other people. I think being miserable may have been a personality trait. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of all of the work I have done and made myself do. It taught me strength, mental toughness, and discipline. But now I see that I don't have to be constantly disappointed in and, honestly, hate myself anymore. I am never like that to anyone else. Why should I force it onto myself too?

Maybe you can relate. If you do, (I'll put it plainly) you know that it sucks. It sucks to never feel like you are living up to who you're meant to be. It sucks to be disappointed in yourself every day you wake up in one way or another. I know. But now I know that you can fix it, only if you want to.

Trust the Process

Change doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen.

I am going to give you my process for how I went about this radical change. Fair warning: you have to want to change more than you want to stay comfortable in your suffering. You have to think of future you more than you stay in your head right now. And most of all, you have to believe that you are capable of loving yourself so much that amazing things are inevitable.

If the previous paragraph full of flowery language sounds like a little league softball cheer or not like you at all, that is alright. It wasn't my thing either. Do yourself a favor and trust the process.

Here is how I did it:

Step One: Decision Time

I finally decided that enough is enough. I said it out loud and wrote it down: "I will create the life I want. I deserve the good things I will earn by loving myself loudly."

Boom. I was on the right track.

Step Two: Take Inventory

Seriously, I wrote it down. I made two lists.

First I took note of things I've already accomplished in my life. I saw how great I was already doing! This was an instant confidence boost. Past me has done hard things. Current me deserves to watch present and future me strive to make her proud. Everything counts.

Examples you may use: graduated high school, was dance team captain, threw my best friend a birthday party, paid for my own gas this week, made it to 21 or 34 or 55 or (you insert the number) years old, won an award, taught myself how to play the piano, woke up today, went to a job interview, got the job, raised your kids, adopted a puppy, sent out a Christmas card this year, was a bridesmaid in a wedding, made someone smile today, volunteered at the food pantry.

Next I made a list of the kind of person I want to become. I didn't say a job description or something like that. I meant adjectives. This is my accountability list. This list is the one that makes me really excited! Again, I wrote it down.

Examples you may use: adventurous, confident, healthy, dependable, joyful, generous, exciting, loving, creative, charismatic.

Often, I come back to reread and even add to these lists throughout the process. They serve as reminders of how strong and wildly capable I am and of who I know I can become.

Step Three: Build a Reliable Routine

This is a lot easier said than done and it took some time. However, a daily routine that doesn't get monotonous forces me to stay focused and committed. At first, going to the gym every day, journaling, cleaning the apartment, meal prepping Sunday night, and waking up early was tough and seemed useless. But after only like 2-3 weeks, I felt more energized and wanted to keep going. I figured out how to create a routine that genuinely helps me become more like the person I wrote about in step 2. And being on track to being her, keeps me going.

Step Four: Keep Trying Until You Find What Sticks

I tried hobbies, mantras, routines, and rhythms. Not everything worked. That’s fine. Each try taught me something. Failure is part of the process. I had to remind myself that I am worth failing for. That sounds weird but I figured that even if I keep failing, I am at least showing up for myself time and time again... and that sounds like love to me.

Eventually things like distance running, journaling and adoration on Friday evenings, Sunday dinner with my grandparents, and a daily 5:45 a.m. alarm stuck for me.

A run at sunset has become the most peaceful part of my day.

Step Five: Confide in and Lean on Someone

I just told one person. Maybe two. I told them what I was trying to do and why. Because they love me, they don't hesitate to cheer me on, check in regularly, and even hold me accountable. I had to let them show up for me when I need it.

This helped me in a way I didn't see coming: I can depend on people the same way I have come to depend on myself. This built a sense of trust and community that had been lacking lately.

If you're looking for the people who you should tell, might I suggest your sisters. They may be the only women who want to see you succeed even more than themselves.

Step Six: Commit to The Bit

Day in and day out I have to stick to my plan. I have to stick to practicing kindness and patience. I go on that run. I hit the gym. I eat well. I text and call people. I reset my apartment. I do my nighttime routine even when I'd rather flop into bed. Yes, this sounds like no fun. But once I committed fully after a few weeks, these things became fun to me.

Now I can run further and faster than I thought possible. I lift heavier and have some friends at the gym. I am invested in my nutrition. I love talking to people again. My apartment is my cozy and safe space. I am better at winding down after a long day.

Reconnecting with old friends has been a very special thing for me these past couple of months.

I do have to remember that there is no finish line to this. I think that these will become habits and nonnegotiable for me. I also am convinced that your habits become your character (back up to step 2).

I wrote this like a checklist or a recipe for making life good again. But the truth is, I believe this is more of a process that created a new me. I am still the same girl I've always been, I am just loving living and myself now. And that is so exciting and peaceful. You are so worth the work. You are so worth fighting for. If you get anything from this post, let it be this:

You are under no obligation to remain the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a day ago. You are here to create yourself, continuously.

Letting Life Get Good Again

Somewhere along the way, we start to believe that the good parts of life are temporary and that joy is fragile and can’t be trusted. I used to brace myself for disappointment every time something started going right, as if happiness was just a setup for heartbreak.

But what I’ve learned is that life doesn’t have to be one long endurance test. You don’t have to earn peace by suffering first. Sometimes, you’ve already done the work and the next step is to let the goodness in.

Letting life get good again means learning how to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s about loosening your grip on control and realizing that being at peace isn’t a sign of weakness or laziness, it’s a sign of healing.

It’s allowing yourself to enjoy your morning without guilt. It’s not checking your phone first thing. It’s running because your legs and lungs feel strong, not because you’re trying to punish yourself. It’s laughing with your friends without feeling like you’re wasting time. It’s letting yourself love your own life again, even if it’s simple.

And when you start to feel that lightness, please don’t fight it. Don’t talk yourself out of it. Don’t start wondering when it will fade. You’ve prayed for this. You’ve worked for this. You deserve this.

I used to feel this sort of guilt when I was genuinely happy because I see other people not there yet. Maybe that is the empath in me. However, don't let other's misery keep you from fully stepping into your own joy you've created. Step in and bring them up with you. You don't have to stay down there.

If things are finally starting to feel good, let them. Let them be good. You don’t owe anyone your sadness. You don’t need to keep shrinking yourself to stay relatable or humble. You can be proud of the work you’ve done and the person you’re becoming.

You can hold joy and humility at the same time. You can celebrate how far you’ve come while still knowing there’s more to learn. You can be a work in progress and a masterpiece in motion.

This Isn’t a Finish Line. It’s a Beginning.

I don’t have it all figured out. I still have bad days, and I still have to catch myself when those old thoughts sneak back in. But the difference now is that I know how to find my way out. I am confident enough in myself that I know I am worth fighting for. I am worthy of love. And I know that I can do that for myself. I know I’m capable of peace. These are not things I could’ve said a year or even a few months ago.

I wrote this because I’m genuinely proud of myself. I don’t say that lightly. For so long, I didn’t think I’d ever get to this point. But here I am. Life is getting good again, and I’m finally letting it.

If you’re reading this and things feel heavy right now, please don’t give up. The version of you who’s tired, lost, and unsure is still worthy of good things. She’s the one doing the real work.

No, I am not everything I want to be right now but I am everything I wanted to be two years ago and what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.

Let the light in when it finds you, even if it’s just a little at first. You’ve earned it.

May we never be afraid of the light that finds us.

All my love,

Neva